Sage Bakery

A long long time ago, back in February or so, Zach and I bought a Living Social coupon for 1 dozen Sage Bakery cupcakes, which is supposed to be half price. Yes, you can tell already that it wasn't. After traveling an hour each way to Seattle for said cupcakes, we arrived twice to find them closed. That was our fault, as we went once on a Sunday (their baking day, on which they are closed to the public), and once at 7 (where we found out that they are open until 7 and must have closed early that day).  The third time that we tried to trade in our coupon for cupcakes (which was about a month and a half ago), we made it on time, and a very nice girl told us that we were supposed to come in and order them first, and then come pick them up, although we had no choice in what flavors, and that there would actually be a baker's dozen.
We left optimistic.
When the day came that they would be ready to pick up, we hoped to ourselves that they would be amazing, and worth all of the trouble since they had cost us a total of 8 hours and about $100 in gas... seriously. Perhaps we went into it with a bit of a chip on our collective shoulder, but:
When we got there, the girl behind the counter got our box of cupcakes and placed them on the counter in front of us. We peered inside at 12 cupcakes, as she rang us up for an additional $3 in tax... I don't know how you get $3 tax from $16. Perhaps there was tax on the free half of the cupcakes? But that doesn't really make sense to me, especially since the other coupons we've purchased always included the tax; we've never handed in our coupons and then had someone say, "Okay, now let me ring you up for the tax." It has always been included. We asked about that, and were answered with a laugh. We asked about why the other girl said a baker's dozen (which means 13) but there were only 12 cupcakes. The answer this time was an "Oh, I don't know" and another laugh.
The cupcakes consisted of 3 chocolate on chocolate (which seems like a cop-out to us), two vanilla on vanilla (still boring, but at least we both like vanilla), two vanilla on chocolate, one lemon graham cracker frosting on vanilla, four with raspberry frosting--two vanilla cake and two chocolate.
None I would call moist. The chocolate cake was basically inedible. The vanilla cupcakes were easier to force down, but none were really good. The only one I actually sort of enjoyed was the lemon graham cracker frosted one, of which we had to split because they only gave us one. It was at least interesting, and the lemon provided some flavor while the graham cracker mixed up the texture and helped to fool my mouth into forgetting about the dry bland cake. I was able to eat the vanilla on vanilla, but the frosting basically tasted like buttery sugar, not vanilla flavored, but maybe more of a wet chalk flavor (don't ask how I know what wet chalk tastes like). The raspberry frosting was just "vanilla" frosting with raspberries haphazardly tossed in, creating a greasy, buttery, seedy frosting with a little raspberry flavor and plenty of awkward chunks.
Needless to say we were totally unsatisfied; we were more so outraged at the fact that they normally charge $3 for those tasteless things. Zach said they might be good if you lived in a sewer.
I'm sorry, but if you are trying to run a business, you should have a quality product, especially if you're a small business. I know Walmart, McDonalds, and Ikea can get away with selling junk because they are huge chains, but Sage Bakery, you can not afford it! I mean, honestly, a child could make better cupcakes. Too bad...
I give them the "You make me want to become a bulimic" rating, which is the equivalent of zero stars.

If I don't finish a cocktail, it's got to be pretty awful. This is a good rating system for me. I did not finish those cupcakes.

Film review: The Women

I have seen the 1939 original and the remake of The Women. I have to say, they are both badass. I saw clips of The Women in a film study class in school, and didn't get enough out of it to really think much of it, but then the remake came up on my Netflix queue,* which I happily watched and fell in love with. I have finally watched the original, and it is truly spectacular!

Here are the highlights:
It's an all women cast. The acting is (overall) wonderful (old skool, and sometimes it's hard to follow what they say because they often speak so fast, but still it's wonderful!)  The shots are great. The editing is snappy. The story is enthralling! Let me make it perfectly clear: I LOVE THE WRITING. It's smart, sharp, witty, funny, and the original writing still holds true for today's women. It was edgy back then, but I feel like in a sense it is still edgy enough for today. The film industry today is still predominantly a man's field, and so there are very few films that show women in a truthful unabashed light like this film does. I WISH I HAD MADE THIS FILM.

Enough said.

I don't know that any straight men will be interested, as my husband wasn't, but whatever; it's got a theme in it about a cheating husband which is dealt with in a way that perhaps is better left unknown to men. If you are female I highly urge you to watch it.

P.S. Rosalind Russel really reminds me of Lucille Ball. I can't help but wonder if either of them influenced the other.

*Hey Netflix, want to pay me for advertising for you? Please?!

Portland, part 2: Sweetpea Bakery & Cafe

After a super fun night of drinking and laughing until our tummies hurt, Zach, Veronica, and I felt well enough to leave V's apartment at 3pm for nourishment. We decided to go down the block to that vegan mini mall everyone's always talking about, and chow down at Sweetpea.

Leapin' lizards, did we all have a massive craving for bagels! I was really interested in their chive and bacun cream cheese... but they were out of bagels. And soup. So disappointing! We satisfied ourselves with two BLTs and an unTuna sandwich. I liked both, but they need to put more tuna on the tuna, and more bacon on the BLT! It felt a little cheep. Veronica said it was fine for her. Maybe hers had more? I don't know. The bacon was really good; Zach said it didn't taste that much like bacon, but it was nice and salty and rich, so he still liked it, and so did I. However, he didn't like the unTuna. I did. It had a good flavor, but I like my tuna with lots of veganiase, and this was really lightly veganiased. It's a chickpea based tuna (which I had been craving for a while) mixed with herbs and chopped celery.
They offer lots of fun hot drinks, including a variety of teas, two types of bottomless coffees which vary each day, hot chocolate, and a bunch of coffee drinks that I don't understand because I'm not much of a coffee drinker. Next time, however, I'll have to try one, because why not?!

We ordered some treats, too. The oatmeal peanut butter chocolate chip cookie was a bit dry, but Zach gobbled it up anyway, so I guess he was down with its flavor. The snickerdoodle was definitely good, especially if you like that typical bakery cookie flavor from your childhood (or is it just mine?), although it could use a bit more cinnamon and sugar... it tastes to me like the cookie baby of a sugar cookie and snickerdoodle who fell in love and wanted to start a family. The brownie ain't bad either. I like fudgy brownies, and theirs is more cakelike, and while I despise baked goods that aren't very moist, the flavor totally makes up for it with all of its rich chocolatey goodness.

I would definitely go back, but I don't know that I'd order a sandwich again, just because they didn't put enough of the good stuff on it. I will certainly try a bagel and a fancy pants coffee drink, perhaps a donut on a Saturday or their brunch on a Sunday, and probably another brownie.

Portland, part 1: Loving Hut

Zach and I just got back from our little trip down to Portland. We had two friends who were getting married (Congrats, Nick and Tori!) and while we were there we wanted to see my friend Veronica who lives there. The wedding only served cake, and it wasn't vegan, so we decided to try the Portland Loving Hut for dinner with Veronica. Zach and I are fiends. I want to order everything on the menu, and split it so I get to try it all; he has a big appetite. Neither of us have any self control.

V & Z ordered fries to start. Veronica ordered wonton soup (it was full of veggies; so good!) I ordered chicken nuggets which were strips, and we all agreed they were more like fish sticks, and should have been served with tartar sauce rather than ketchup; and the amazon salad because it was cheaper than the Paradise salad, which was dumb (in hindsight) because we saved 30 cents... what a steal... I also had ordered it because I wanted something with lots of fresh veggies. I was totally disappointed in the salad though, because it was supposed to consist of purple and green cabbage, and carrots, which were replaced by rice noodles and iceberg lettuce (which I don't consider a vegetable). And there were no other veggies in it! So disappointing. I should have sent it back and ordered something else, but I didn't feel comfortable doing that, and I assumed that the other salad would be the same deal since the menu said that they were practically the same thing. Anyway, we all shared the blissful fried rice, which had a lovely hint of a smokey flavor. Zach ordered the chow mein. I thought it was funny that I tried to order a nice healthy salad, and my dinner ended up having the least vegetables in it. Next time I'll just order a regular entree. You never know with Loving Hut, because each one is a little different.

If you've never been to a Loving Hut, you should go at least once in your life. It's quite an experience for a first timer. If you have been before, then you'll know what I'm talking about when I say that the cult vibe was mild at this particular Loving Hut. They had the TV station on, but it was quiet, and we didn't hear it. That and we were probably laughing too hard telling our gross throw up stories and other inappropriate bodily fluid stories.

Which reminds me; we also had dessert. Veronica and Zach got the cheesecake, which they both went crazy over. I've only met one cheesecake that I liked, the rest make me want to puke (as did this one, I don't like the weird cream cheesy[?] flavor they have) which is what brought up our sophisticated dinner conversation. I had the banana fritters, which weren't bad, but the coating was a lot thicker and greasier than I had expected.

All in all, the food was good, the cult vibe on the medium-lower side (for a Loving Hut), the waiter was really nice and helpful and even had a good sense of humor, and the place felt clean, but not hospital creepy clean like most other Loving Huts. I definitely recommend it.

P.S. Loving Huts normally have pictures on the menu to go with most items. I wish every place did that!